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Thanks of party native: why the Ministry of health decided to ban alcohol on weekends

Terrible news struck Monday morning the entire interested public in Russia may ban the sale of alcohol on weekends.

Each responded to the message in their own way. The restless began to wring his hands. gone country! fascists! even under Gorbachev on the weekends sold! to bring down urgently, but where? Finland is close but there sales are even stricter… And America is far away, but still unknown, maybe to sober Mormons distributes… In Germany? There is the local vodka that was like a lotion for the bath to use.


photo: Gennady Cherkasov

Creative pulled out a calculator and began to calculate how much you need to buy on Friday evening to prolong the magic for another two days. Particularly active right Monday ran be purchased for future use.

Most went to the old songs about the main thing: how crammed the shelves in 1985, as sung ditties (“Thank the party home, no vodka in the output”), as issued two bottles on hand, as in our wonderful days in sacred time three minutes twenty-three zero-zero did a sprint from the counter to the counter at a speed that never dreamed of Usain Bolt.

But analysts have begun to talk seriously, to anything good it will not that increase the sales of substitutes and counterfeits, and the use of methylated spirits breeds degenerates.

By lunchtime, with the news out. It turned out that no one yet nothing prohibits that all are ideas are not even aimed at the industrial Department for examination and approval, and only about legislative solutions, not talking, and certainly not go before the presidential election, God forbid them health. And everything calmed down. Well, except for those who ran to be purchased.

And I thought to myself, it better be soon banned. Because then everything will come with both our sanctions of the West, which, as is clear to any one who loves his native country, brought us only the rise of domestic production, quality of products, the pride of the Motherland and a lot of good. But what happens when vodka and beer will no longer sell on Saturdays and Sundays.

– Bloom of small businesses: restaurants, cafes, bars, wineries, all sorts of common in small towns “pit-stops” and very very small opokhmelochnaya;

In connection with the sharp increase in sales of moonshine stills and components and spare parts will strengthen their positions in the metallurgical and metal processing industry;

– Stand with knees basic science. Hundreds of inquisitive boys and girls will go in the chemical and food Universities to learn the proper use of the above-mentioned components and spare parts. And academics do not remain;

– For the same reason (we have already passed) in the country reduced stocks of sugar and, therefore, cakes, candies, jams and other issues of diabetes and obesity products. And this, ladies and gentlemen, a decisive step towards the improvement of the nation.

– What will be the football! What a beautiful and literate will be the football, in the Premier League, in the second division! Well, at least in those matches that fall on weekends.

– Increase the attendance of museums, theaters and exhibition halls. Although there is a doubt: for most cultural events have long been no sober not walk. Otherwise it will not stand.

– Strengthen the link between generations. Young people often will go to their elders. At least in order to hear the recipes for tasty beverages from different kinds of glues, lotions and creams for footwear. In short, eighties forever in our hearts. Well, in the liver.

– What else? Well, the parks will be cleaner. Because the polite quiet people will come to the picnic safely fry a shish kebab, to gently clean, leaving nothing behind: no packages, no broken or fallen soldiers.

– All will be well, if the ban to sell alcohol on the weekends. It is a pity that this will not happen. At least until the presidential election.

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