Frankly of the fears of parents, breast feeding and postpartum depression: an interview with as a doula

In the age of information technologies about the birth of a child know everything. Especially those who has little. Because instead of increasing enlightenment and education, it turns out the layering of personal experiences for the deductible in the depths of the Internet – and the ready position for the expectant mother who can spoil her motherhood or even scare him.

Do I need to prepare for pregnancy and how? How big a threat do? How to eat right? On this and many other 24 channel in an exclusive interview, the psychologist, the instructor in preparation for childbirth, doula Tamara Andreeva – specialist with a direct view of motherhood and preparation for it.

Tamara, tell us how to prepare for pregnancy? We should do it?

Women begin to prepare for pregnancy birth. Even as a little girl, she hears stories about childbirth from your mom, friends. And it already forms its prenatal history: how many children she would like, how it will happen. And a woman comes to pregnancy with some of their installations. To change someone’s worldview- I have no such purpose, each person has his own path, it’s important to give support to the mother. But I can say that many, having passed my course in preparation for childbirth. They can easily say goodbye to toxic attitudes that prevent them to feel happy mom.

What is a doula?It is a helper in pregnancy and during childbirth, providing practical, informational and psychological support. Unlike a midwife, a doula does not use medical methods.

Preparing for childbirth includes three blocks. First, the information – available information that is available today. I give knowledge that will be useful during pregnancy, birth, and the postpartum period. In the classroom I give my General information: what are childbirth, as they can be. There are natural birth, complications, cesarean section. Know about this is very important: so the woman and her partner feel confident in any situation. Because the birth is a creative process and it is important not to plan a single script, and go, fully trusting yourself and your baby.

The second component of knowledge about nutrition. Very much influenced by the lifestyle of the pregnant woman, her diet. To give birth without a set of extra pounds is much softer to our body. The postpartum period and recovery will be much better, smoother, when the woman held his form.

The third block exercise. To move is important. This can be walking, walking in the Park, swimming, sauna, a sport that the woman was engaged in before pregnancy.

There is no secret. To prepare for pregnancy or not – everyone decides. But those who come to me for second, third children, and did not have this training earlier – sorry about that. Say, if the first child knew about all this, it would be less helpless in situations. That is, having a information, mom and dad sure that happens. There is no right and wrong. There is a personal experience. And every child has his own. But understanding courses give. I would recommend to prepare.

Yet another argument. We used to live in large families, several generations in the same house, grandmothers, great-grandmothers, sisters. Close to half of the village family and was the exchange of information. Today, urbanization has invaded our world, families are now far away from each other, young people went to another city, and knowledge that have been passed down from generation to generation is interrupted. Plus a lot of information all around, we live in a digital world, and online writing all and Sundry.

Prepared parents are protected from helplessness

Pregnant women and very impressionable, and reading it all – no matter good or bad – are some scripts that then have to be worked out. Better to work on their beliefs, and not take someone else’s experience. I would recommend to put a huge filter and filter the experience of others. To prepare only to her and to this baby. And my graduate students, who come second and third time, listening to the same rate – it has not changed for 8 years – saying it gives them confidence. Charge with confidence, each other, my support.

Some of the most “toxic” beliefs that You have faced?

A lot of them. For example: “I can’t have it”. Because “mom’s at grandma’s and I’m definitely not the face”. “Be sure to hurt the child because we are all bad medicine.” “You can’t take the husband on childbirth, because he will become impotent, we will never have good sex”. “I will lose attractiveness after childbirth” or “I no one will need” that “a child will steal the love of my husband,” that “nothing good I can not give her child”, that “education is work”.

Come to me people are 33-35 years old. 18-year – old mother, these are isolated cases. In 33-35 – it is a conscious child. Many of these moms have achieved something in life, and they have a huge fear that after delivery will not be realized.

I have a lot of tell them from your experience of motherhood and the experience of my graduates, that child is only the engine forward, inspiration, this is the best coach, who discovers a man of many talents, which you didn’t even know that.

For example – no sleep for a week. Or half a year. Or breast feeding, talking on the phone and one foot to MOP up the puddle. Or suddenly a flash of inspiration that you always dreamed to work with children, and you open your garden. Or become a pastry chef or establish a manufactory for natural cosmetics.

But the topic of urbanization – now many women don’t go on maternity leave for 6-7 month, and work to the last. Here straight to the hospital. Is this normal?

Absolutely right if work is a pleasure. If a person feels at work is necessary, important and he was comfortable there. I’m always for love. If you have the passion it inspires and inspires, then during pregnancy it does not interfere. Whatever work was.

Some special regimes for pregnant women I have never supported. Because then crashing my whole theory is that every person is a universe personality. If a person is cool – why not?

During pregnancy person can do everything. There is nothing that is impossible. Only if something you have is heaviness, rejection, poor health, emotional burden, then don’t do it.

But if for medical reasons the doctors have concluded, and prohibit, for example, to walk, to move actively? The woman loves to walk.

My belief – we are chosen children. I have stories of when the pregnancy was perfect, and the babies never came. Missed abortion, for example. And there are pregnancy, hanging on the hairs, were agile, active moms and children come to these families. The main thing – faith in the child that everything will be as you need for your family and that you are doing the best for themselves, and thus for the child. Mom, you, and you intuitively feel that it is necessary that there is.

And the doctors – how many people, so many opinions. In a huge city person might see ten doctors and they will give ten different opinions. And the decision to accept you.

Tell me more about nutrition during pregnancy. How to eat right, what not?

It’s important to have smaller meals. Often: three main meals and two to three snacks a day. Thus the mother does not go hungry. And she never eats large portions that does not crash her metabolism and excess weight. My first pregnancy gained 35 pounds, everyone told me that it’s genetics, we are all chubby and I’m chubby. I first stood in the bakery, waiting for scones with jam and sprinkles. Me all there was to know. I allowed myself to eat a lot of everything – is there for the baby, it’s better, and that’s all he wants, not me. But that’s not true. And then it is very difficult to walk pregnancy were swelling, pressure, and difficult to recover. Because the extra weight is a huge burden for the body. With the second pregnancy I revised my diet and approach to pregnancy and gained only 9 pounds. Genetics immediately retreated. And this will immediately ease. You do everything you can to run-jump, no feeling of fatigue, this is especially true when you have kids do as a mother to them has not been canceled, and you love your job and so you it’s important to stay mobile.

Because fractional power. And it is important to have the entire food pyramid: vegetables, cereals, fish, meat, dairy products. There are no secrets. It’s simple: try to eat carbohydrates before lunch. After – protein foods. And to stay hydrated. At least 30 milliliters per kilogram of body weight. And coffee tea is not a drink. Only pure water. Water is the formula of health for any person. This is just prevention of edema, stretch marks, healthy skin.

That is a healthy diet important for pregnant women?

Yes. All the food flavors, flavor enhancers, dyes very seriously affect your pancreas and also pass the placental barrier and in microdozes get your child. Because it is important that the food was fresh and homemade. To rule out food poisoning. Because any such poisoning may result in intrauterine infection. This is especially important in the third trimester when the placental barrier is slightly reduced, and the child more susceptible to these risks. My hands, eat at home.

Again to grandmothers who say, “you’re not yourself during pregnancy nothing limited”. That pregnant women can be everything at any time is true?

Yes. It can be anything from healthy food. And when a woman begins to eat for two or three – then it brings a lot of health problems of mother and baby in the investigation. And for us it is important to preserve women’s health. The healthy mother – healthy children will.

Women in the third trimester start to seize the fears. When we are not preparing to leave, know information that gives us confidence and support, fears occupy a significant position. And in the prenatal time moms begin to eat tasty, pamper yourself, compensating unconsciously. I know that the moms who attend my classes, no such need. They have confidence in the preparation of such an important stage in life like meeting with your child.

I’m not saying that you need to get rid of fears. It is good that they are – they help us to become better, to prepare, to pay attention to is important to us. For example, if there is fear breaks, I’ll know about it and understand that any crotch can give birth to any child, if she’s healthy with no fungal diseases. I’m also going to follow the regimen, eating properly, to observe the drinking mode, so tissue was healthy and ready for childbirth. And during labor I’m going to follow yourself, your needs, and even with the pose that I want to choose. And then it will be cool to work with fear breaks, I will have a good result.

Healthy food and Hobbies is the best for pregnant

As births occur

How to understand that the time has come to the hospital?

Birth begins, or early contractions, or discharge of water. Moreover, the discharge of water is not the beginning of labor, the premature rupture of about fruit shells, and it is important to contact the hospital – because such a birth should definitely be under medical supervision, according to the protocols.

Real birth begins with contractions. They are about, training and real. Appear training with 32 weeks, and some mom – 30-just goes hard belly with no pain. From 36-37 weeks appear false labor: also hardens the stomach, and you receive a tugging sensation in the abdomen and back. They too can have the sequence and intervals. But real contractions with nothing to confuse.

They are on the rise, the pain is already stable. Mom feels that the stomach is warming, there is a rush of blood to the uterus. Interval between contractions is reduced, and the pain becomes brighter pronounced. Pain in childbirth from 30 seconds to 2 minutes. And the contractions from 5 to 15 minutes. This is the start of the latent phase. At this time, still stay at home. It is important for the hospital to go to active phase so as not to bring down the mood of a woman. It is important to be quiet, dark, warm, secure. And is home.

When it comes the active phase, contractions in the range from 1 minute to 4, i.e., in 10 minutes there are 3 good active labor, that means it’s time to go to the hospital. There she must inspect the doctor on duty. If he sees an opening for 1-2 cm or the absence of disclosure, establishes a latent phase, and recommends that you either go home or walk around the hospital or go in the chamber and wait there. This mom chooses what’s best for her.

When the opening 3 and more inches – this is the beginning of the active phase, the mother is invited to Rojal.

With regards to the list of things in the hospital, I recommend a separate package for mom, dad, baby. In rodzal in the chamber.

Today, the medication is excluded from this list. Pay any installment or then buy more medicines as needed. We are not prepared at birth with drugs, because it is aggression and the setting up of a medical intervention. And we are preparing for a natural childbirth.

The final moment in the delivery room – have the baby. How important is it for him to lie on mom, why, and how much time is necessary?

This is very important. This is the start of a very powerful process microbiome – immunity formation. A child is born completely sterile, and is located on the mother is very important to exchange for his life, the thermal chain. The mother of a child bygrave, gives a soft adaptation after birth, seed microflora. And breathing, and the heartbeat of mother gives the child confidence that he was safe. This process lasts for two hours after the birth, the mother in this period is in the delivery room, it is advisable to get out of bed. In this period, the child is put to breast upon request.

How to recover after childbirth. What are the ways, how long will it take and what to do and what not?

That’s a huge block. But the there is a period of 40 days after birth, which is to restore physiological and psychological. It can be more. But usually within 40 days.

The most important thing: mom needs comfort, sense of security and safety, home support. I always teach moms that the first 40 days they have a mode of “sacred cow”: a mother it is important to free from household chores, to enjoy a child, a new condition. All of this will be a much better place if organized around a circle of support – spouse, friends, parents, if they support type of communication.

If the parents are authoritarian parenting style, directiveness in her voice and comparisons, it will be very traumatic for women. To such parents I would recommend a list of instructions. For example, the mother arrives and says: “Why do you have the baby in the hat” or “Why without a hat?”, or “Why the floor is not washed?”, and you just say to her – “Mom, I need your help. Go to the store, I need this and this.” Because this mom is such the language of love. She says so not because bad, but because knows how to love. And it is important to accept it. But in the postpartum period, the woman as a little girl. And every word in the side can be perceived of aggressive criticism. Therefore it is important to realize that this is the language of love. And tool interaction with valuable instructions, otherwise these parents do not know how to help. It is necessary to clearly articulate what you expect from them, and they will be easier to help.

There are moms who have supportive type of parenting. It’s rare, but they occur. I even offered to mothers as “mom rent”: she comes, cleans, prepares, and ready for any requests of the child, sitting there, waiting, not dictating. I even asked – “do you ever want to share your experience?”. She said, “Well, you are! I gave birth 30 years ago, on the contrary I want to learn with you, young”. It’s very cool when people in the 50-60 years it is fun to learn with young people. It speaks of the support he gives and the realization that he himself has achieved. Because people, humiliating the weak, so too, unfortunately, is experiencing the implementation.

Because support is the most important thing in the postpartum period. Then mom easier to recover.

There are different tools for recovery – the same postnatal swaddling, to close confinement. But it’s not all necessary. If you have a good support, loving people close to the woman perfectly recovered itself.

And that’s not always the husband, right? Can be a friend if her husband is not?

Yes. But it must be done in the prenatal period – to seek a circle of support. It can be your friends who ask “what to give you after birth?”. Elementary – pot of borscht. And after childbirth you live in non-stop mode. This means that you and your office friends who, up to eight at work, you can come in the morning and cook soup. You’ll be insanely happy.

It is also very important to relieve the woman from the point of view of the walk. For example, dad comes home from work and takes the baby for an hour or two outside, take a walk. Mother at this time can breathe, to be herself. Because it is very difficult to switch, giving all their time to one man, it is important to have time for yourself. This is also the prevention of burnout for mothers.

And when mom can voice their desires and resonates in the family is the best recovery after childbirth.

Recovery after childbirth contributes to the support of loved ones

With regards to physiology – it is better to ask the gynecologist. But I do know that those secretions, which are the first 40 days – indicate the health of the woman. Monitor the color, odor, temperature. 42 days female number for the hospital where she gave birth, and in the case of some moments she could to treat at any time of the day.

Athletic exercises a woman can develop feelings. The only thing not desirable about the first three months doing direct abdominal exercises. Because there is a closed white line. When three months convinced in shutting down the white line – you can do press. But there are women who have this is close to a year. There is already a need to consult with a doctor-surgeon, physical examination and further recommendations. Because diastase appear at mom for various reasons, I’ve met mostly from moms who are beginning to exercise after birth, not allowing the body to recover.

And from the point of view of the psyche – the support and comfort it is important to praise the mother. And I have two key mantras that I would recommend.

The first mantra is: you are a good mom, in any situation. Because a day is an average of five people who will question your motherhood skills.
The second mantra is: you “big SIS”. Women have enough milk to feed her child. Breast-feeding is one of the tools of love.

And for every mother a happy healthy child is the indicator of its success in motherhood. And when the problem starts with the feeding, weighing, by applying, every mom really drops your confidence and it can also play in favor of post-Natal apathy, depression. Because it is important to realize that every woman produces enough milk. There is no one who would not have milk after the baby is born. What you don’t see it, can not feel the amount of enough there’s no way to understand. You just need to trust nature, to believe in themselves and to feel that you are a “big SIS” – and all turns out.

Visit the website 24 channel coming soon: about delivery partner for what they are and how to prepare for the interview with Tamara Andreeva.

All photos from the personal archive of Tamara.

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